Wednesday, 3 December 2008
Money Makes The World Go Round Smoothly...
It's been a while since my last posting on any of my blogs. In fact, I would say it has been a while since I maintained a proper connection to the Internet ( besides the crappiness that is the local ISP) from the day I set foot back home.
I returned home around 2 weeks ago with many unresolved issues (like when would I ever resolve everything...) but I also returned with a slightly more cheerful disposition. It may be due to the wonderful time I had with my few friends a few days prior to my departure, maybe it's just the realisation that the long break that I have been constantly nagging for is finally here, maybe it’s the thought that no longer would I be associated with the depression room or maybe it's the confirmation that no longer would I have to be in close proximity (at least not THAT close) with that depressive matter almost all the time. However, the idea of severing all communication with it is frankly, immature and unfair to it. Any-ho...
As I was saying, life seemed abit more colourful than usual then. Safe to say now, it has all faded away as I write this, somber, contemplative and a bit stressed out. ( Well, the purpose of this post is to blow off some steam, so please don’t read on if you do not like the direction it’s headed.)
Perhaps my life in Ipoh has always been and will always be this way (unless certain tragic incidents which are too cruel to mention occurs). As I returned to Ipoh, I returned to my old lifestyle and mentality. I constantly dread the daily early evening dinners with my grandparents due to their constant repetitive advises and warnings, traditionalism scrutiny (and criticism), and 21 questions style interrogation. Not to mention, my calorie intake totally skyrockets. Luckily, I manage to exercise roughly 5 days a week (and I still see a little tummy... Imagine if I didn't. I'll be joining Sumo school instead of going to uni...). I revert back to my introvert self. My answers get shorten to the length of a syllable or sound effect, and I don’t make a peak in the presence of other people. All the confidence, self esteem and character I built up away from home seem to vanish into thin air at the sight of old childhood memories.
Well, that’s not exactly why I decided to write this post. (Long-winded, I know…) The last straw that broke the camel’s back is my further education. Or rather the efforts trying to find funds for it. I know I have no one else to blame but myself for the late start in trying to find a scholarship/grant/fund. In fact, I think I would have put it off a bit longer had my father not bring it up on the way to my grandparents’ house. (Another perk of grandparent's dinner; spending quality alone time with daddy-insensitive-inconsistant-talks-a-lot.) Highlights of the most uninteresting talk (or rather monologue) : There are plenty of these grants/funds/free money out there (way to be specific…), some girl manage to collect RM20,000 before departing to India to study medicine, and the global recession is the worst since the Great Depression in the 30’s, so stick to academia for the next few years to see how everything pans out.
So, after dinner, I went online and began searching for these elusive (to me) grants/funds/free money of which my father seems to think is as easy to find as his beer belly. I have to say, 2 hours in, and I’m left with one word. FRUSTRATION. And that’s only after being through 3 to 5 scholarship web pages (excluding the hundreds of links I was redirected to). Besides a lot of deadlines being passed (some as early as July), completely irrelevant to me prerequisites ( I mean what is a male from a slightly above third-world-country currently experiences ridiculous political issues suppose to do? It’s just like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.) and minuscule amount offered for all the hassle of writing a butt load of crap and finding referees, I have absolutely nothing (for now). I guess it was lucky I was home alone at that time. All that cursing and my foul mood were definitely not pretty.
Something I notice from today’s search. Malaysian scholarships seem to be so slow with their application deadlines. There are hardly any open for 2009 intakes. On the other hand, Australian (and international) scholarships deadlines are flying past faster than Mach5. Almost all of the better ones have been closed since a month ago or longer. I am left to wonder about how much easier it is to just stay here in Malaysia to continue with my further studies. It sure saves me a hell of hassle and stress.
It is times like this that I can’t help but envy those who have their whole life planned out. Well, not to that extreme. Even those with 5-year or 10 year plans sound so secure compared to my current predicament. They all have some goal or ambition that fuels their drive to keep pushing and pushing (earlier on when all the scholarships/grants/funds were still available). I’m here like the grasshopper who sang all summer, suffering the consequences of my earlier idling in the metaphoric winter.
However, I know, I will never be those type of people. It just isn't me and I'm fine with it. If I had to stereotype, I am more of those carefree, unambitious people with no one looking up to. I don't want a job with a fancy title and a fancy office with a complementing stuck-up attitude. Neither do I want some generic job that everyone in your class seem to want (engineer, doctor, IT) just because it supposedly pays good money. Whatever happened to individuality? I want a job that pays rather well, but still allows me to be me. The laid-back, unambitious, truthful (childish) and most importantly, happy me! But as the world is right now, I know that some compromises will have to be made. After all, I won't even get through interviews with this kind of attitude, will I?
Besides that, I feel really sorry for my family for deciding to study abroad on a course which I want to lead me to a profession in teaching/lecturing (for now). It just doesn't seem worth the amount of money put into it. And my family doesn't have a lot of money to begin with. The economy status of my family and the world just adds extra stress to my parents lives. It's not a topic which they would discuss with us normally but sometimes things do seep out through the cracks. (and it isn't nice things...) The only worthwhile option is for me to study actuarial science if I go abroad so that the money spent would seem to be worth it. After all, it is coming from my father's retirement fund which is (duh) meant for his retirement years and not me.
I guess I will have to continue searching tomorrow or for the next few weeks, or maybe months. But, I’m going nowhere just waiting for something to drop from the sky either. All I can say is
“Recession, please do not affect the price of coffee and panadols/aspirins.”
I'll be needing loads of those for now.
I returned home around 2 weeks ago with many unresolved issues (like when would I ever resolve everything...) but I also returned with a slightly more cheerful disposition. It may be due to the wonderful time I had with my few friends a few days prior to my departure, maybe it's just the realisation that the long break that I have been constantly nagging for is finally here, maybe it’s the thought that no longer would I be associated with the depression room or maybe it's the confirmation that no longer would I have to be in close proximity (at least not THAT close) with that depressive matter almost all the time. However, the idea of severing all communication with it is frankly, immature and unfair to it. Any-ho...
As I was saying, life seemed abit more colourful than usual then. Safe to say now, it has all faded away as I write this, somber, contemplative and a bit stressed out. ( Well, the purpose of this post is to blow off some steam, so please don’t read on if you do not like the direction it’s headed.)
Perhaps my life in Ipoh has always been and will always be this way (unless certain tragic incidents which are too cruel to mention occurs). As I returned to Ipoh, I returned to my old lifestyle and mentality. I constantly dread the daily early evening dinners with my grandparents due to their constant repetitive advises and warnings, traditionalism scrutiny (and criticism), and 21 questions style interrogation. Not to mention, my calorie intake totally skyrockets. Luckily, I manage to exercise roughly 5 days a week (and I still see a little tummy... Imagine if I didn't. I'll be joining Sumo school instead of going to uni...). I revert back to my introvert self. My answers get shorten to the length of a syllable or sound effect, and I don’t make a peak in the presence of other people. All the confidence, self esteem and character I built up away from home seem to vanish into thin air at the sight of old childhood memories.
Well, that’s not exactly why I decided to write this post. (Long-winded, I know…) The last straw that broke the camel’s back is my further education. Or rather the efforts trying to find funds for it. I know I have no one else to blame but myself for the late start in trying to find a scholarship/grant/fund. In fact, I think I would have put it off a bit longer had my father not bring it up on the way to my grandparents’ house. (Another perk of grandparent's dinner; spending quality alone time with daddy-insensitive-inconsistant-talks-a-lot.) Highlights of the most uninteresting talk (or rather monologue) : There are plenty of these grants/funds/free money out there (way to be specific…), some girl manage to collect RM20,000 before departing to India to study medicine, and the global recession is the worst since the Great Depression in the 30’s, so stick to academia for the next few years to see how everything pans out.
So, after dinner, I went online and began searching for these elusive (to me) grants/funds/free money of which my father seems to think is as easy to find as his beer belly. I have to say, 2 hours in, and I’m left with one word. FRUSTRATION. And that’s only after being through 3 to 5 scholarship web pages (excluding the hundreds of links I was redirected to). Besides a lot of deadlines being passed (some as early as July), completely irrelevant to me prerequisites ( I mean what is a male from a slightly above third-world-country currently experiences ridiculous political issues suppose to do? It’s just like being stuck between a rock and a hard place.) and minuscule amount offered for all the hassle of writing a butt load of crap and finding referees, I have absolutely nothing (for now). I guess it was lucky I was home alone at that time. All that cursing and my foul mood were definitely not pretty.
Something I notice from today’s search. Malaysian scholarships seem to be so slow with their application deadlines. There are hardly any open for 2009 intakes. On the other hand, Australian (and international) scholarships deadlines are flying past faster than Mach5. Almost all of the better ones have been closed since a month ago or longer. I am left to wonder about how much easier it is to just stay here in Malaysia to continue with my further studies. It sure saves me a hell of hassle and stress.
It is times like this that I can’t help but envy those who have their whole life planned out. Well, not to that extreme. Even those with 5-year or 10 year plans sound so secure compared to my current predicament. They all have some goal or ambition that fuels their drive to keep pushing and pushing (earlier on when all the scholarships/grants/funds were still available). I’m here like the grasshopper who sang all summer, suffering the consequences of my earlier idling in the metaphoric winter.
However, I know, I will never be those type of people. It just isn't me and I'm fine with it. If I had to stereotype, I am more of those carefree, unambitious people with no one looking up to. I don't want a job with a fancy title and a fancy office with a complementing stuck-up attitude. Neither do I want some generic job that everyone in your class seem to want (engineer, doctor, IT) just because it supposedly pays good money. Whatever happened to individuality? I want a job that pays rather well, but still allows me to be me. The laid-back, unambitious, truthful (childish) and most importantly, happy me! But as the world is right now, I know that some compromises will have to be made. After all, I won't even get through interviews with this kind of attitude, will I?
Besides that, I feel really sorry for my family for deciding to study abroad on a course which I want to lead me to a profession in teaching/lecturing (for now). It just doesn't seem worth the amount of money put into it. And my family doesn't have a lot of money to begin with. The economy status of my family and the world just adds extra stress to my parents lives. It's not a topic which they would discuss with us normally but sometimes things do seep out through the cracks. (and it isn't nice things...) The only worthwhile option is for me to study actuarial science if I go abroad so that the money spent would seem to be worth it. After all, it is coming from my father's retirement fund which is (duh) meant for his retirement years and not me.
I guess I will have to continue searching tomorrow or for the next few weeks, or maybe months. But, I’m going nowhere just waiting for something to drop from the sky either. All I can say is
“Recession, please do not affect the price of coffee and panadols/aspirins.”
I'll be needing loads of those for now.
Side note : Well, it’s not that I didn’t want to update S.R.F.T.Q. but the good spontaneous tidbits aren't popping out often enough to make a post. So far, I have like 2 or 3.
Also, I noticed I wrote a lot of metaphors this time. Wow...
Monkey J
01:13
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01:13
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