Sunday, 8 March 2009
Not Safe For Reading
Well, I know something should have been up some time ago but I couldn’t get it right and here I am trying again.
I have been away from my home country for over 2 weeks now and should I say life has been pretty kind for letting me adapt to it without much trouble. It’s just there have been so many things I wanted to say, to tell that it all got so jumbled up in my head. I couldn’t figure out what to say, how to say it much less how to write it up. So, I’m clearing my head (the best I can) and just letting (hopefully) the writing flow…
I admit (for the first and probably only time) that I am a big baby/wuss/whatever you call it. On the day my mum was leaving Brisbane, I was overwhelmed with sadness (for lack of my vocabulary to describe it). It certainly was of no help that it was my first day of classes and I didn’t get to spend her last day here with her. Thank god that I sat in the back corner of the bus or else many innocent passengers would have been freaked out… I was just so wrecked with guilt that I didn’t hug her goodbye when I left in the morning and it bothered me so much that I decided to wait for her and send her off in the city even though she had told me it was unnecessary as I would have had a long day in uni then. However, saying our farewells at the train station was a much less emotional ordeal as I think we were both acting tough in order not to cause distress in the other person. At least I was because I was still overwhelmed the whole of the next day. In fact, even writing this up made me cry still. I guess I reaffirmed my opening statement as any supposedly good paragraph should.
And there went my first two days of classes. I still got the knowledge imparted (partly because those were fairly basic stuff) but I was certainly in no mood for social mingling of any sort, and that’s not a good thing because this kind of thinking gains momentum. So after two days of seclusion, it sort of grows on you and I just felt like it doesn’t matter. So, the sad truth, for now I hope, is that I made no friends in uni except for that acquaintance of a middle aged man from one of my tutorials in my first 2 weeks. My introvert demeanor and still unsettled administrative stuff certainly only help make my situation there worse. I’m not saying that I’m the kind of person that’s just a Grinch, but I no social butterfly either, especially not in a foreign country. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am not the kind of person who just go to strangers and say “Hey, let’s be friends.”. I know it’s not fair or right but I need to be asked as I can never be courageous enough to ask.
I also have a feeling what’s encouraging my social death here is also the fact that I kept having the thought that I have plenty of wonderful friends back in Malaysia and I do have some friends here which comprise of my housemates and neighbours. So why risk embarrassing myself for potentially nothing? on the back of my head.
I guess that’s it about my pathetic lack-of-life. A more normal post will be up soon at the new blog soon (hopefully).
I have been away from my home country for over 2 weeks now and should I say life has been pretty kind for letting me adapt to it without much trouble. It’s just there have been so many things I wanted to say, to tell that it all got so jumbled up in my head. I couldn’t figure out what to say, how to say it much less how to write it up. So, I’m clearing my head (the best I can) and just letting (hopefully) the writing flow…
I admit (for the first and probably only time) that I am a big baby/wuss/whatever you call it. On the day my mum was leaving Brisbane, I was overwhelmed with sadness (for lack of my vocabulary to describe it). It certainly was of no help that it was my first day of classes and I didn’t get to spend her last day here with her. Thank god that I sat in the back corner of the bus or else many innocent passengers would have been freaked out… I was just so wrecked with guilt that I didn’t hug her goodbye when I left in the morning and it bothered me so much that I decided to wait for her and send her off in the city even though she had told me it was unnecessary as I would have had a long day in uni then. However, saying our farewells at the train station was a much less emotional ordeal as I think we were both acting tough in order not to cause distress in the other person. At least I was because I was still overwhelmed the whole of the next day. In fact, even writing this up made me cry still. I guess I reaffirmed my opening statement as any supposedly good paragraph should.
And there went my first two days of classes. I still got the knowledge imparted (partly because those were fairly basic stuff) but I was certainly in no mood for social mingling of any sort, and that’s not a good thing because this kind of thinking gains momentum. So after two days of seclusion, it sort of grows on you and I just felt like it doesn’t matter. So, the sad truth, for now I hope, is that I made no friends in uni except for that acquaintance of a middle aged man from one of my tutorials in my first 2 weeks. My introvert demeanor and still unsettled administrative stuff certainly only help make my situation there worse. I’m not saying that I’m the kind of person that’s just a Grinch, but I no social butterfly either, especially not in a foreign country. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am not the kind of person who just go to strangers and say “Hey, let’s be friends.”. I know it’s not fair or right but I need to be asked as I can never be courageous enough to ask.
I also have a feeling what’s encouraging my social death here is also the fact that I kept having the thought that I have plenty of wonderful friends back in Malaysia and I do have some friends here which comprise of my housemates and neighbours. So why risk embarrassing myself for potentially nothing? on the back of my head.
I guess that’s it about my pathetic lack-of-life. A more normal post will be up soon at the new blog soon (hopefully).
Monkey J
09:16
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09:16
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