Monday, 20 April 2009
Don't Speak; It's Over
So I thought after leaving college it would be different. It would be less unbearable, less distracting, less hurtful. If so, what was I doing back in the dark, listening to (my personal) sad songs? Involuntary jerks overtaking my body, tears streaming down damping the headphones I had on. What was that for? I felt my mouth concaving upwards, only to release a sadistic chuckle followed by muffled moans. My eye sockets soaked but warm. Was I crazy? I still think maybe the answer was yes.
I wonder how and why it can still sting this bad. I spaced the person out for months, I try my hardest to find ways to not see, hear or read anything about jm (although somehow news still leaked in from time to time), I found ways to enjoy myself without giving thought to jm, I filled any empty time I had with fun leisure activities that will in no way be connected to that person. I was finally getting myself together, finding my ”groove” back, if you must. And I really believed I was over it. I convinced myself of that after the brief sms conversation we had a while back where I felt nothing.
However, innocently enough, the person sends me a message on msn. And the upheaval of emotions continued. Like the calm before (and in this case, after) the storm was over, it poured and poured and poured with no end in sight. Quoting part of Adele’s “Melt My Heart to Stone” – you said my name like there could be an us; I best tidy up my head, I’m the only one in love; I’m the only one in love; Why do you steal my hand; Whenever I’m standing my own ground; You build me up and leave me there.
Please do not worry about me, kind soul(s) among my readers. I am alright now. “Freakouts of the Commonfolk” has finished its run. Pray VH1 does not renew it.
-don’t know why the last paragraph sounded so religious-
I am sorry to have to follow up my last post (which I quite liked) with this but better out than in right?
I wonder how and why it can still sting this bad. I spaced the person out for months, I try my hardest to find ways to not see, hear or read anything about jm (although somehow news still leaked in from time to time), I found ways to enjoy myself without giving thought to jm, I filled any empty time I had with fun leisure activities that will in no way be connected to that person. I was finally getting myself together, finding my ”groove” back, if you must. And I really believed I was over it. I convinced myself of that after the brief sms conversation we had a while back where I felt nothing.
However, innocently enough, the person sends me a message on msn. And the upheaval of emotions continued. Like the calm before (and in this case, after) the storm was over, it poured and poured and poured with no end in sight. Quoting part of Adele’s “Melt My Heart to Stone” – you said my name like there could be an us; I best tidy up my head, I’m the only one in love; I’m the only one in love; Why do you steal my hand; Whenever I’m standing my own ground; You build me up and leave me there.
Please do not worry about me, kind soul(s) among my readers. I am alright now. “Freakouts of the Commonfolk” has finished its run. Pray VH1 does not renew it.
-don’t know why the last paragraph sounded so religious-
I am sorry to have to follow up my last post (which I quite liked) with this but better out than in right?
Monkey J
19:06
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19:06
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