Friday, 27 November 2009
Pointless Rant
Just the other evening I learnt there can be no more absurd, hurtful drama than those that occur at home for it is our familial ties that amplifies the emotions passed through seemingly benign pointed remarks by someone you're not even all that close to. It may be the reason people get so insulted at ‘fat mama’ jokes, it may be where the obsession with brotherhood/sisterhood/family loyalty stems from, it could possibly explain why we still stay at home years after we no longer need to be fed by our mums.
While I have long lost the need for a teenager’s diary to air my angst, there are still episodes ( I would hope that they are few and far in between) that makes me wonder (after the emotional outbreak) how little I have grown.
It was at (mandatory weeknightly) dinner at the grandparents’ house. These are usually a relatively quiet affair as they tend to have eaten earlier but this particular one was not. For some reason, this time my grandmother decides to be company at the dinner table. And what company it was…
In retrospect, (actually I already knew as I was listening to their yammering) they do have some valid points, although their reasoning may lack substance. However, as I have tried to prove (to myself? Boy, am I smart or what…), I am not oblivious to the situation. I did try to put some sort of effort into minimising my expenditures. Yes, I admit that there is more that could have been done to further cushion the blow but at what expense? (More of) My character? My health? My studies?
Anyways, I do plan (and have planned prior to this) to look for a part-time job more proactively next year. I guess after all that rambling above, they were right…
Say it with me now kiddies, Money makes the world go round… and round… and round…
While I have long lost the need for a teenager’s diary to air my angst, there are still episodes ( I would hope that they are few and far in between) that makes me wonder (after the emotional outbreak) how little I have grown.
It was at (mandatory weeknightly) dinner at the grandparents’ house. These are usually a relatively quiet affair as they tend to have eaten earlier but this particular one was not. For some reason, this time my grandmother decides to be company at the dinner table. And what company it was…
It started with my step-uncle’s inquiries into my life abroad. Fine, that was to be expected, however, he has this overly upfront tendency in his questioning while superimposing his perspective into my world. Let’s be frank here, I may give out personal details of my life (and my reasoning) with people close to me [although it occurs very rarely], but I do not consider people I meet less frequent than the postman close. Furthermore, the questioning soon turned into grilling and what about? Well, it would be almost un-stereotypically Chinese if it were not about money. And this was when a wise old lady started to butt in.
First, my living arrangements were targeted. They claim (with absolutely zero knowledge) that it was too expensive (On the contrary, it was almost half the usual market price). Then they were dissatisfied about my living in a room alone. Why did I not share, as if I had say over the rental arrangement of my landlord? And as if there were room for even another person in there… Did I not know that my mother was struggling to afford sending me overseas to study? Why the hell did they think I have absolutely no social life over there? Why was it that all I ever used money for was to pay the room rental and groceries? Do they think I go around throwing money into people’s faces? Of course I knew sending me overseas was going to be a huge financial burden. That was the whole reason I insisted that I would not go unless I was covered by a scholarship, at least for my tuition, since I could not do the course locally.
Then came the natural follow-up of why was I not working? This was accompanied by a “jobs must be so easy to find over there” remark again with no knowledge of the job market and economy over at that side. This was when she decided to chime in with the oh-so-pleasant fact that my uncle used to take up four part-time jobs while he was a student overseas. She then proceeded to list all the jobs undertaken by him as if hoping I would suddenly have an epiphany, leave the dinner table and fly straight back to start mowing lawn/babysitting/cleaning/waiting. While I admire my uncle for his hard work, but let’s step back and look at it; whose fault was it that he had to work that much while he was studying (and his tuition was also covered)? And are they going to tell my mum and dad that their son will not be going back home for the next few years because he has to work otherwise he’d be insulted by people who know him as well as the postman (I’m sorry for dragging the postman into this)? I know what I have said (in my mind) is horrible but I was upset. Guilt-trip aside, I cannot imagine having to work last semester and study as I did without jumping in front of a moving train before the end of semester, and let me just say, the jumping part would have been easily doable and the most ‘exciting’ moment of my year (and life).
The so-called discussion soon hit a dead end as one can only feel interest in stabbing a mute, expressionless victim for so long (and I find this to be the best way to go through such ordeals in my family seeing as they would definitely not listen to the reasoning of someone my age, regardless of how mature my thinking may be [but by my thoughts I expressed, I don’t think it’s all that matured anyways]). The rest of my dinner was passed in the usual quietude which I was so glad for at that moment.
First, my living arrangements were targeted. They claim (with absolutely zero knowledge) that it was too expensive (On the contrary, it was almost half the usual market price). Then they were dissatisfied about my living in a room alone. Why did I not share, as if I had say over the rental arrangement of my landlord? And as if there were room for even another person in there… Did I not know that my mother was struggling to afford sending me overseas to study? Why the hell did they think I have absolutely no social life over there? Why was it that all I ever used money for was to pay the room rental and groceries? Do they think I go around throwing money into people’s faces? Of course I knew sending me overseas was going to be a huge financial burden. That was the whole reason I insisted that I would not go unless I was covered by a scholarship, at least for my tuition, since I could not do the course locally.
Then came the natural follow-up of why was I not working? This was accompanied by a “jobs must be so easy to find over there” remark again with no knowledge of the job market and economy over at that side. This was when she decided to chime in with the oh-so-pleasant fact that my uncle used to take up four part-time jobs while he was a student overseas. She then proceeded to list all the jobs undertaken by him as if hoping I would suddenly have an epiphany, leave the dinner table and fly straight back to start mowing lawn/babysitting/cleaning/waiting. While I admire my uncle for his hard work, but let’s step back and look at it; whose fault was it that he had to work that much while he was studying (and his tuition was also covered)? And are they going to tell my mum and dad that their son will not be going back home for the next few years because he has to work otherwise he’d be insulted by people who know him as well as the postman (I’m sorry for dragging the postman into this)? I know what I have said (in my mind) is horrible but I was upset. Guilt-trip aside, I cannot imagine having to work last semester and study as I did without jumping in front of a moving train before the end of semester, and let me just say, the jumping part would have been easily doable and the most ‘exciting’ moment of my year (and life).
The so-called discussion soon hit a dead end as one can only feel interest in stabbing a mute, expressionless victim for so long (and I find this to be the best way to go through such ordeals in my family seeing as they would definitely not listen to the reasoning of someone my age, regardless of how mature my thinking may be [but by my thoughts I expressed, I don’t think it’s all that matured anyways]). The rest of my dinner was passed in the usual quietude which I was so glad for at that moment.
In retrospect, (actually I already knew as I was listening to their yammering) they do have some valid points, although their reasoning may lack substance. However, as I have tried to prove (to myself? Boy, am I smart or what…), I am not oblivious to the situation. I did try to put some sort of effort into minimising my expenditures. Yes, I admit that there is more that could have been done to further cushion the blow but at what expense? (More of) My character? My health? My studies?
Anyways, I do plan (and have planned prior to this) to look for a part-time job more proactively next year. I guess after all that rambling above, they were right…
Say it with me now kiddies, Money makes the world go round… and round… and round…
Monkey J
19:58
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19:58
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