Sunday, 1 May 2011
The End of a Dumb Trilogy ABC
(B) Being Alone
Now I would like to move on to another people-alienating topic, which I think was pretty evident based on the title alone.Here’s a little confession of mine: I love living by myself, and I love being by myself the majority of the time. I sure (more than) a few of you are shaking your heads in disbelief, thinking that’s just me trying to hide whatever psychological issues I have about being in a relationship. After all, everyone is desperate to have that special someone in their lives. Or so it may seem if you happen to read a book, watch a movie/television, or even walked outside your cave. People are searching so hard for their significant other that they would even risk meeting up with a complete stranger on the premise that the meeting might lead to something more (than a rape/kill/both scenario).
To me, it’s weird that this is so. The media and general public seem so obsessed with conditioning us into finding someone to love (and later throw a freaking dish at. See, I must have issues!) and if we don’t succumb to their dictation, it must be because we are freaks. (I’m almost sure Adolf had pretty similar messages shared with his public.) Even the geeks and the nerds are in pursuit of that special someone, or at least attempting to make that special someone.
What happens after we find that someone special? Does your life thereafter just consist of scrolling credits or walks into sunsets? Not that I have had the experience, but I’m going to make an educated guess and say that that is not the case (Feel free to correct me if you think I’m mistaken). Rather, from then on, your happiness, your self-worth, and even to some extent, your identity and most significant achievement seem to be attached to that other person. This person who has no actual binding ties to you [which seems to be a fact so many young lovers seem to not know, or choose to ignore], and could just as easily disappear from your life on a second’s notice. Is that really all that wise? Is modern life not stressful enough without having to constantly fret about someone else?
Sure, when you first fall in love, all the things I have mentioned above does not really seem to apply, but go further, past that honeymoon period, and see if what I wrote strikes a chord or two, especially the longer you have been in your relationship.
Some may argue that I’m just nitpicking on the minor flaws of being in a relationship. They may further argue that being in a relationship, especially with that significant other, strengthens you, provides you with love, joy and support, and makes your life all that more meaningful. I wouldn’t counter-argue that they are misguided. On the contrary, I believe (or at least hope) that that is the case. Love can be a wonderful thing.
All I am trying to say here is that I don’t feel I need nor want (in general) to be part of it. I can’t convince myself into it. I may get the occasional yearning to have someone special in my life, but most of the time, that feeling passes. And to me, the fleetingly nature of the urges suggest to me that it is not an entirely good idea to go out looking for someone, less so through blind dates or finding one in a bar/club (especially drunk) which I know for a fact, at least a few of my acquaintances are doing, rather desperately...
I am satisfied with my life being single so far, and quite frankly, I am still yearning for a little more isolation, especially from the seemingly infinite crowd of people incapable of cleaning after themselves (i.e. my housemates but let’s try to be mature and not go there but I would like to say that there’s is a long feminist rant there).
Obviously, this opens up the possibility that I may be alone my entire life, die and be eaten by wild dogs before people even realise that I may have died, but guess what, it does terrify me as much as it probably should.
(C) Crisis of Identity
Want to know something that would terrify me though? Not knowing who I see in the mirror.It’s something that I suspect we all question at one point or another in our lives. Who is it that I am supposed to be? And I’m not talking (solely) about the expectation of others projected onto oneself. What I want to know is what does the individual within want to shape out as.
We all like to believe that we are all on this planet, at this particular time period, in this dimension, for at least a reason. We want to know the purpose of our lives, that one true calling that makes being alive truly meaningful. The one thing synonymous with ourselves.
Sadly, there’s no readily available list that tells us that (but many have tried). Most of us go through life stumbling through what we hope turns out to be what we are meant to be doing. Unsurprisingly, this leads to (at least for me) many occurrences of “What the hell am I doing (with my life)?” moments. I feel that this is one of the disadvantages of having parents who were too afraid to project any expectations onto their children. I still haven’t been able to get them to tell me what they would have liked for me to be, or even what religion I should take up. (Yes, I am un-religioned! No wonder I hate alcohol and pre-marital sex, even relationships. Oh wait,...)
There’s no external monitor that could tell you if what you’re doing with your life is right, or if there’s a better alternative that you should really look at. (I am talking here about people with ‘normal’ lives, not those of severe alcoholics, drug addicts, terrorists, and the likes.) You don’t get a mail letting you know that you’re on the right path or otherwise (unless you’re in school, but those letters go to your parents, not you anyways).
Worse still, you may be strongly convinced that your life is moving along rather swimmingly before your whole mindset just comes to a crashing halt to the lunny bin with no notice (Manners, mind!).
Sometimes, it may just be a temporary glitch or hiccup, sometimes, it seems like everything you’re doing is not what you’ve envisioned you would be doing. (One can find quite a few example of such a moment reading through my posts.) Sometimes you may be able to shake it off, sometimes it just haunts you until you make a drastic change. A new job, a new life partner, a new hobby, a new city, a new country, a new profession, or maybe even a new haircut (it is one’s crowning glory after all).
But then there are those days that no matter how much and how drastic you change your life, everything still seems wrong. The only thing you seem to be able to do is to curl up into the foetal position, and cry and hope your tears drown you (or at least the embarrassment would kill you). However, at times like this, I (recently) found a quote that seems to be able to put throw some perspective into the situation:
“I am 133 years old. I have spent my life trying to figure out something. And you know what? It’s not going well. I’ll be dead soon and you’ll still be alive. So stop complaining”
[extra brownie point if you actually know where that quote is from off the top of your head].I guess what I am trying to convey is that we all mess up our lives some times, or at least we get the horrible suspicions that we are, and we freak out. But the biggest mistake we can do is let that crippling fear actually cripple us from picking ourselves up and living our lives. No matter how badly your mind psyches you out, it is worth remembering that it’s all in your head. It just your (or rather my) neurosis, at least until you get an acknowledgment of the fact from a second party (and no, your split personality or imaginary friend do not count, regardless of how many of those you claim you have!).
And that’s a wrap, folks, to my supposed three-parter. I hope you all have enjoyed the read.
Some or all the above may have been enlightening in some aspect to you, or may just be the ramblings of a crazy, judgemental, naive, neurotic person, but hey, you know where you are.
p.s. : Happy 100th post to me! This is a milestone indeed and one of the reasons this three-parter was posted in two posts which might change if I have something else to post before my special 101th post in which we'll take a trip down memory lane on this blog and I come up with weird, hilarious things to say. You know, the usual =D
Monkey J
21:52
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21:52
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