Friday, 24 June 2011
Catching Up
So another semester has ended, thus I have again some time to scrap together some material to write about. I know my next scheduled post was supposed to be my 100 posts lookback at my blog, but that’s taking a while to compile the data (and I still have to write and edit that) so in the mean time, I figured I’d just jump ahead and write about something else. I might slot the 100 posts lookback back in its place, or figure out a way to manipulate my post counts so that the title would still be relevant (with two-and-a-half years worth of mathematical studies, I think I could at least do that). So, the review of all my posts will still be done, just not as soon as expected.
Anyways, back to why I wanted to write something tonight: You guessed it; it’s going to get sappy/depressing/etc. So, you have been forewarned.
As I have mentioned two paragraphs up, I have just finished my penultimate semester of my undergraduate degree, and all I have to say for it, honestly, is just that. Sure that’s not all I have been doing the past 4 or so months. I have been tutoring up to three different subjects, working part-time at my current workplace (which is like a statistical consulting firm), getting another award for being awesome at my studies last semester (which is a sad number based on my track record the year before, but oh well...) and of course, trying to maintain being awesome at studies (third year level, officially). However, all of those seem to revolve around the same thing.
Yes, I have decided that I am satisfied with the arrangement years ago. And I’m not saying I am coming to regret that decision. [That’s another whole can of worms that I am too sleepy to open up now to discuss] In fact, I am still pretty happy with it. So, why you ask, am I whining about? Well, I would again like to point out the title of this place.
This past semester, academia (and the relevant jobs, which is all of them) has taken an extremely large chunk of my life (and by that, I mean the entire piece). There were many 5 hour sleep nights, days where I would leave my place in the dark, and return in the dark just to wolf down something and fall asleep only to wake up to the same thing the next day. If you don’t believe me, just ask my parents. I pushed back replying both their emails for up to a month. In fact, towards the end of it, the stress of completing that semester caused a persistent ache of the left side of my abdomen (which I was worried was an appendicitis until, of course, I googled it). Or it could just have been my terrible diet finally taking its toll, although in my defence, I think I did a pretty good job with it with the exception of those instant noodles.
Looking back right now, everything I recall relate to notes, and tutorials, and assignments and frustration with a certain idiotic group mate (trust me, I am being extremely lenient with just one adjective). And I am left to wonder why at the end of it all.
Why is it that I care so much about my grades (rather marks)? What benefit is that going to provide me? Why am I still taking that part-time job? Especially since I just have confirmation that they are in no position to hire me after graduation. Why did I take up that many tutorials?
Almost all (if not all) of them could be answered if you happen to know me well enough. Sure, prior to arriving here, I have not given much attention to marks per se, with the exception of one subject: mathematics (since it was always my highest scoring subject). But wait, everything I am doing now is? Also, it doesn’t help that I suspect every lecturer who decides to take a peek at my scores expect me to achieve a certain grade (actually that’s more me than anyone else). As for the jobs, it comes down to (aside from, you know, having to pay the bills) that character fault of mine that sounds terribly much like a backdoor compliment: I just simply care (or like to be nosy) too much about other people, especially if I have some power to help them. So, it was hard for me to say no to a past lecturer of mine to tutor that third subject (especially since she broke her ankle). It was difficult for me to say I want out (but that’s because I don’t really want out) from contributing (albeit slightly) to helping a disadvantaged group of people with a bunch of really, really nice people.
As I sit here typing this out, I am sure there are many other people who would not have put in as much effort as I have and are still looking at a brighter prospect (seriously, it’s not that hard to find a brighter prospect than what I currently have). And it’s just one of those facts of life that completely suck but you (or I) just have to deal with. (And whining about it certainly helps the process of “dealing with it”. )
But all that is in the past right now. Barring me failing any of my subjects (but I hope you did not think I was serious about the possibility of that), I am hoping next semester will turn out to be a little less stressful. I have (so far) only taken up one subject to tutor and my working hours are cut down considerably due to my timetable constraint. And provided I don’t get stuck with dead weights for my group projects next semester (which is something my university is notorious for; the group projects, not dead weights, although...), I am thinking it is shaping up to a pretty decent semester, especially if I get to doing the pre-semester prep work I am planning to do.
However, fret not, I will still take the time to write something else up during my break, at least one other piece should be done before my break is over. (After all, the subject I am going to be tutoring has a pretty big writing assignment, so I need to keep on top my writing skills.)
Until then, good night, and may the dream world take you (and me) to our escape.
Anyways, back to why I wanted to write something tonight: You guessed it; it’s going to get sappy/depressing/etc. So, you have been forewarned.
As I have mentioned two paragraphs up, I have just finished my penultimate semester of my undergraduate degree, and all I have to say for it, honestly, is just that. Sure that’s not all I have been doing the past 4 or so months. I have been tutoring up to three different subjects, working part-time at my current workplace (which is like a statistical consulting firm), getting another award for being awesome at my studies last semester (which is a sad number based on my track record the year before, but oh well...) and of course, trying to maintain being awesome at studies (third year level, officially). However, all of those seem to revolve around the same thing.
Yes, I have decided that I am satisfied with the arrangement years ago. And I’m not saying I am coming to regret that decision. [That’s another whole can of worms that I am too sleepy to open up now to discuss] In fact, I am still pretty happy with it. So, why you ask, am I whining about? Well, I would again like to point out the title of this place.
This past semester, academia (and the relevant jobs, which is all of them) has taken an extremely large chunk of my life (and by that, I mean the entire piece). There were many 5 hour sleep nights, days where I would leave my place in the dark, and return in the dark just to wolf down something and fall asleep only to wake up to the same thing the next day. If you don’t believe me, just ask my parents. I pushed back replying both their emails for up to a month. In fact, towards the end of it, the stress of completing that semester caused a persistent ache of the left side of my abdomen (which I was worried was an appendicitis until, of course, I googled it). Or it could just have been my terrible diet finally taking its toll, although in my defence, I think I did a pretty good job with it with the exception of those instant noodles.
Looking back right now, everything I recall relate to notes, and tutorials, and assignments and frustration with a certain idiotic group mate (trust me, I am being extremely lenient with just one adjective). And I am left to wonder why at the end of it all.
Why is it that I care so much about my grades (rather marks)? What benefit is that going to provide me? Why am I still taking that part-time job? Especially since I just have confirmation that they are in no position to hire me after graduation. Why did I take up that many tutorials?
Almost all (if not all) of them could be answered if you happen to know me well enough. Sure, prior to arriving here, I have not given much attention to marks per se, with the exception of one subject: mathematics (since it was always my highest scoring subject). But wait, everything I am doing now is? Also, it doesn’t help that I suspect every lecturer who decides to take a peek at my scores expect me to achieve a certain grade (actually that’s more me than anyone else). As for the jobs, it comes down to (aside from, you know, having to pay the bills) that character fault of mine that sounds terribly much like a backdoor compliment: I just simply care (or like to be nosy) too much about other people, especially if I have some power to help them. So, it was hard for me to say no to a past lecturer of mine to tutor that third subject (especially since she broke her ankle). It was difficult for me to say I want out (but that’s because I don’t really want out) from contributing (albeit slightly) to helping a disadvantaged group of people with a bunch of really, really nice people.
As I sit here typing this out, I am sure there are many other people who would not have put in as much effort as I have and are still looking at a brighter prospect (seriously, it’s not that hard to find a brighter prospect than what I currently have). And it’s just one of those facts of life that completely suck but you (or I) just have to deal with. (And whining about it certainly helps the process of “dealing with it”. )
But all that is in the past right now. Barring me failing any of my subjects (but I hope you did not think I was serious about the possibility of that), I am hoping next semester will turn out to be a little less stressful. I have (so far) only taken up one subject to tutor and my working hours are cut down considerably due to my timetable constraint. And provided I don’t get stuck with dead weights for my group projects next semester (which is something my university is notorious for; the group projects, not dead weights, although...), I am thinking it is shaping up to a pretty decent semester, especially if I get to doing the pre-semester prep work I am planning to do.
However, fret not, I will still take the time to write something else up during my break, at least one other piece should be done before my break is over. (After all, the subject I am going to be tutoring has a pretty big writing assignment, so I need to keep on top my writing skills.)
Until then, good night, and may the dream world take you (and me) to our escape.
Monkey J
21:11
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21:11
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